Wedding in N'Djamena

 

This is a poem I wrote a few weeks ago. I dreamt about a picture I saw in my mother's cabinet. An old wedding picture of my parents and thought about the history of it…

The first time we dated you wanted to see the national museum
Because I prided myself of knowing the city
We crossed streets I have never uttered
Looked at shops I have only heard of
We bumped at each other repeatedly
Because we moved in different directions

When I asked your number it was because I thought it would be fun
I did not know you were slightly older and better
That in time you would grow to love me
That of all men, I would be the just companion

I could only entertain you with words and ideas
So I suggested we talked about dreams and hopes
You enjoyed what I had to say because I listened
And you smirked all the time
To the point you started asking me questions

You said : "Yes, my greatest strength is that I won't be defeated"

I came to you as a tendril
My soul grasping the tips of your finger
And never wanting to let go
I have learned later that I was starved
That I was on the point of exhaustion
That your warmth revived me

Our first touch was a handshake
You glanced two times
Our second touch was a kiss full of yearning on the cheeks
A kiss meant for somewhere else

The remaining houses in N'Djamena were colonial bright lights
Stood straight and proud, withering colours, ageing grace
Grieving for the decimated brethren of bricks and mortar
The dreamers made gardens of Hibiscuses on the scorched earth

I have visited your house in N’Jamena only once
Your mother cooked for us. 
It was dark so I did not have a chance to notice your garden
You were kind to me then

At nights I talk to you
And I tell you that I like you
Not because of my mother, or your mother
But because you are fearless
You trample people with your words. 
You have trampled me many times. 
And I respect you because you have order in all things. 
You are fair
You act on equality

Traits that were forgotten and lost in me for so long
Deplored and selfishly buried away
You woke up the holy incantations of my grandmother
Somehow stirred back the first words I have heard to life
And my thoughts keep coming back in circles, romantic thoughts
Hopeful of the future thoughts
Our family established thoughts

And then we agree
We stand in front of each other
Like it's a transaction, something formal, something that has to be done
But deep inside of us, we are roaring, storms raging, our love exploding to the point
We succumb and put on wry smiles, for a second, perhaps to lithe, for friends and family
Perhaps cautiously so we don't break down in a perpetual embrace

Hadiatou Bah Umaru Shehu